Favourite Things

This week, I thought it would be fun to do a post about my favourite things at the moment: TV series, youtube videos, quotes, songs, fabric…

My main aim with this blog (and it’s something I do continually have to remind myself) is to remember and celebrate the good in life, even though I am dealing with memories of abuse.

I am a strong believer in the idea that we have to confront our past sooner or later, if we ever want it to release its hold on us in the present. But I also believe that our lives will always be bigger than our past. After all, there is no “rewind” button.

As haunted as I may feel sometimes but things that have happened to me, I am realising more and more that I am here, in the present, and I am safe.

Although some days are hard, and I have a good cry most days, there are also things that help to keep me going. Things that distract me or make me laugh. Things that connect with a part of me that is different to my trauma. Things that remind me that I am a whole person, with things that make me light up and smile, as well as memories that make me sad.

So here goes….

Favourite Fabric

Bit of a niche one, I know, but if you’ve read some of my previous posts you’ll know that something that is helping me through this difficult time is learning how to sew and make things. I am still very new to the whole process, and haven’t followed any complicated dress patterns yet, but I learnt how to make a bow this week, and cover buttons, all out of my favourite pink flamingo covered fabric:

Favourite Quote

I’ve just finished reading bell hook’s Feminism is for Everybody, and I loved it. It wasn’t the easiest book to read, but some of the points she made really blew my mind; especially about how dominance and domestic violence can exist in same-sex relationships. I also loved how she repeats that feminism isn’t anti-male, and that we need more men on board the feminist band-wagon if we are to make positive changes in our society. This quote is actually from the next book I’m reading by her, called All About Love:

“So many of us long for love but lack the courage to take risks.”

I love this quote because it reminds me that love is always a risk. Having feelings for someone? Always a risk. I learnt that from experience the hard way when I told the first girl that I knew I had a crush on that I… you know… maybe liked her as more than a friend. Our friendship completely broke down after that, and I was heart-broken. But I was also exhilarated to finally have genuine strong romantic feelings for another person, after so many years of trying and failing to have feelings for men.

Favourite YouTube video 

Something that makes me really happy is dancing and watching people dance. To be clear: it’s not that I’m a good dancer or have a secret background in dance. I went to one ballet class as a kid, didn’t like it, and never went again. That was the beginning and end of the possibility of me becoming a child dance star.

But dancing, even badly (especially badly), always lifts me up, and I love videos that make me feel like it is okay to give it a go, even if my dancing is a bit awkward and stilted.

Diplo’s Get It Right video does just that:

Favourite Song

This is a hard one. My music taste at the moment is divided into two categories: pop music that makes me dance around, and acoustic/ piano music that helps me to think and feel.

I’m going to go with the second category, and chose the acoustic version of Dynamite by Sigrid. Needless to say, the lyrics “You’re as safe as a mountain, but know that I am dynamite” really summed up how I felt last week, when I had to stop dating someone because I wasn’t ready.

Although it’s a sad song, I think that’s it’s always comforting to find songs and lyrics that reflect how we’re feeling, and help us to work through it.

Favourite TV Series

Hands down the best series I’ve seen in a long time is The End of The F***ing World, a Channel 4 series which is now on Netflix.

I should say, first, that I was very hesitant to watch this show, because I read it had trigger warnings for murder, consent and suicide. Because of its dark humour, I was worried that this was a series that would make fun of these serious issues.

The truth is, it does the opposite.

Even though the comedy in The End of The Fucking World is dark, with teenage boy James being convinced that he is a sociopath who wants to kill someone, every serious issue that comes up – from dads who walk out on their kids to men who call women a “cock-tease” for changing their mind during sex – is handled with the subtlety and gravity these subjects deserve.

Plus, there is an amazing scene where James and Alyssa dance around a room with their eyes closed, so that James doesn’t feel self-conscious while dancing.